SLEEPLESS! AGAIN???

2:08 am. I have been tossing and turning for hours in bed, but sleep is elusive. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I finally got up and stood in front of the open window. For a change, a cool breeze is blowing from the field, caressing my hot face and soothing my spirit. It was dark and peaceful outside. I can see dim lights from my neighbors’ windows spilling into the street. I wonder if everyone is sleeping or if there is someone like me somewhere out there, trying to slip into the blessed oblivion of temporary relief from the hustle of just surviving everyday life. Will they succeed, or just wait for morning to break? Like me.

I have slept okay for weeks now. I’m surprised that the sandman missed me tonight when it’s a lot cooler than the miserable 39 degrees Celsius of blanketing heat that we have endured since the dry spell hit us. I should be comfortable and at peace since I don’t have to fret even in my sleep that the AC will cost me thousands of pesos in electric bill.

Maybe I’m just tired. Jaybee and I did the wash today. The washing machine broke down and hand-washing the dirty pile of clothes is inevitable. Unless I want to wait until they become a nightmare that will haunt me as I watch them become unmanageable. The big laundry basket is now empty, so that’s a load off my mind. I cleaned the carport, used a brush with a long handle to scrub the concrete floor after the wash was done. Like the klutz I am, I slipped and twisted my knee. I could feel something snapping like garter inside when I walk and a shooting pain from the middle of my leg up to my hip makes it almost impossible to walk. So I got that handy, battery foot massager that Thess bought for me and run it over my leg and around my knee. Something must be out of place, a strained muscle maybe because when I run the massager to just below my knee, a pain like an electric shock shoots up. I then kicked out several times and the last try, I felt multiple snaps, heard them too, and the pain was finally gone. The pins and needles on my foot were gone and my leg felt hot for a while. But I can walk without pain, so am I good or am I good?

Daylight is still far away. But I felt like I need a cup of coffee. So I put the kettle on to boil some water and stared out of the big kitchen window. The street is dark, but there’s a post spilling a yellow circle of light to a limited area. The big, 3- storey house across from the vacant lot slumbers quietly like a gothic creature, a round window illuminated by a red light from inside making it look like a malevolent eye, watching and planning to snare an innocent passerby. Maybe a blood-sucker resides there, maybe a mad scientist trying to bring back his dead wife back to life, maybe------ shoots, the whistling kettle made me jump a foot high. That was bad, making up horror stories when it’s so dark and quiet.

So what went wrong tonight? Why haven’t I fallen asleep at 11:00 pm as I usually do? Sigh, why do I have to find an explanation for something like not being able to sleep? I’m happy, I’m content, Steve will be home soon and my favorite boy just gave me an invitation to celebrate our birthdays together on Sunday. Oh, maybe that’s it. Old age creeping in on me and leaving me sleepless. I’m adding another year to my age, but am I worried? Not me. Age is a state of mind, and I don’t have a mind. Ha-ha! Okay, that’s a joke in case you haven’t figured it out.

Somehow, another year of my life is gone, but I don’t see it like that. I see it as a period of fulfillment, a year when beautiful memories were built so that I can add them to my treasure chest that is already overflowing. God is good. Life is good. Things couldn’t get any better than this, but I have a feeling they will.

Me? An Environmentalist?

Who me? An environmentalist??? Mental maybe. I'm not going to claim that title. Let us just say I am one of those individual stewards here on a temporary basis. Doing a caretaker's job in my own, personal way. Nothing big or memorable, just humbly doing my best not to worsen the situation.

Gaia. I first encountered that word in one of my RPG games. Yes, kids. I still play video games at my ripe p;d age of... never mind.:) Laugh all you want, but I enjoy those games especially the Final Fantasy Series, so there. Gaia , by the way, is the name of the Greek Goddess of the Earth. And the Gaia philosophy speaks about how the nature of living things affect the environment to make it more beneficial to life. It's about the survival of species and how they are necessary for the survival of other species, or that everything in this world, both living and non-living is an interacting system that could be considered as one single organism.

I haven't research the philosophy all that much. I think a Doctor Lovelock did an extensive study about this. But based upon what I remember when I first looked up the word when I watched Final Fantasy The Movie, it's all about interrelation between everything on earth.

Seeing how people are becoming more concerned about the ecosystem, I suddenly remembered that movie. Their planet was dying, and to restore the balance, the lead characters set off to find answers and were called upon to make sacrifices. Our planet is slowly dying, too. Okay, I said slowly, but I'm not encouraging anyone to take it easy. It has given so much to us for thousands of years. Maybe it's calling us to give something back in return. Like respect and concern for our environment.

I'm not so sure about the truth in everything that is called the Gaia Hypothesis, but I do believe that God created the world with a balanced system. A balance that makes it possible for the human race to survive. Hmmm...I remember my daughter asking me all sorts of things when she was growing up. The endless Mommy, why are there... you know, when you have to explain why things exist in the world. Like why are there cats? - well they are there to make sure the rats don't overrun us. The rats will feed on humans if the cats don't kill them. And why are there frogs- so they will eat the flys and mosquitos which gives us malaria and dengue fever. Think about them buzzing everywhere, they would be so thick in the air you won't see where you're going. Aww, as I slipped on a wet spot on the floor. Didn't see that. And there weren't even flies or mosquitoes around. You may laugh at my answers, but try finding answers to endless questions from a two year old when you are doing the wash, making lunch and trying to stop the kid from grabbing everything with her tiny hands while her mouth rattles off a string of why, what and where. All at the same time. Hey, not the words, but my chores, her questions and her lightning speed grabbing. But what I was trying to show her was that everything that God put in this world is here for a purpose. Except the cockroaches. Darn, I can't understand why they are in this world at all. They are so yucky and scary. And think about them being the only ones able to survive a nuclear holocaust. Rather inexplicable.

Okay, back to the serious matter. What I'm trying to say here is that we have disturbed the balance that God has set up so carefully. We are depleting the resources, not only resources that are necessary for our existence, but for the existence of other living things necessary for our survival. We have poisoned our world in the name of progress and materialism. Maybe we should take stock of what is happening now, and how the future will be if we don't take heed.

For goodness sake, let's leave a better world to our children.