When I was young, my father used to wake us up very early, with the admonition that if we don't, God, who showers His blessings at daybreak will miss us and we will end up with nothing. With much grumbling, my siblings and I will troop downstairs, each trying to get first into the bathroom, then on to the breakfast table, where mounds of pancakes and caro syrup await. As children, we never got to understand what the fuss was all about, since there was nothing we children could do so early in the morning. We could play earlier, of course, and during school days, we could go to school without being late. Much as we resented being woken up as soon as the roosters start to crow, my father did it so religiously, so that in time, we all learned to wake up at dawn.
When I think about that part of my life, I thank Papa for that training. Now, no matter how tired I am, my body seems to have a built-in alarm clock that wakes me up sometime between 4 and 5 am. The first thing I do when I wake up is to look out into the world outside that is just starting to stir from a night of respite from the many demands of day to day life. I wonder at the dew that nestles on a leaf, sparkling like a diamond, the cool breeze that caress my cheeks and arms as it blows gently through the window, but most of all, I love to hear the voice of the pandesal man calling out “hot pandesal” with a familiar cadence that warms my heart and reminds me of my carefree childhood.
The magic of daybreak has never failed to touch my heart. For it fills me with amazement that people are able to recharge through the night and face another day that will once again put to the test the resiliency of the human spirit. I remember the previous day that has passed, when man was relentlessly buffeted and smashed by the many challenges and obstacles that litter his way. But when night comes, he relaxes and peacefully sleeps, gathering his strength and building up courage, waking up with a smile on his face, ready and eager in his next attempt to conquer the world. Look at the pan de sal man. He wakes up at dawn; go to the bakery to get a basket of pan de sal to sell at a commission of a few centavos per piece. He does this daily, rain or shine, he braves the snarling dogs, sometimes fall into pot holes he couldn’t see in the dark, but does he give up? NO! He just goes on and on everyday, still able to smile at his suki (regular customers), joke with them, and with his measly earnings, proudly supports his family. You’d think life was too hard, and he should be ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. But no! He wakes up each morning with a new spring on his steps, a grin on his face, and call out “Hot Pan de Sal” in his funny voice. And in his heart, the hope that today, he will earn more than he did yesterday. Fantastic isn’t it?
But something even more wonderful is this. When I consider all the wonders of a brand new day, I can’t help but compare it to my spiritual journey. Or to the spiritual journey of other people, even. Everyday we are put to the test regarding our walk with God. Temptations on one side, hardships on the other. The enemy counts on us to buckle under the pressure of his never ending schemes. Sometimes, we are able to hold up, but sometimes, we get so bloodied, so beaten, that when the day ends, we dejectedly crawl into the darkness, ready to give up. This is the night in our journey. We think the darkness is there to hide our ignominious defeat, that it is there so we can lick our wounds in private. But my friend, have you ever considered that this darkness, this night time in our spiritual journey, is the time when God is right there beside you, coming to your aid, bathing your wounds, and giving you that much needed respite from the knocks that the enemy unceasingly aims at you? He speaks to you, encouraging you to have another go, promising victory at the end of the road. If only you would not give up now.
I say this because it has happened to me. I thought I was staying forever in the darkness of my misery. I have tried so hard, always trying for excellence in walking the faith. I was walking with such confidence, secure in the knowledge that I was doing the right thing. My mistake was in lowering my guard. Everything was going so well. I was sailing on smooth waters but I never realized that this was the calm before the storm. When it finally hit, I was taken unawares. And I just gave up. The darkness swallowed me up, and it was so comfortable I never wanted to get out. But this was the darkness where God has come to comfort me. He soothed the hurt, gently reminding me that I cannot go it alone. That I was to let Him give me rest, and to let Him walk with me. And I asked Him: “God, you are so wise, why have you allowed me to reach this point of such darkness before you tell me all this?” And clearly, He replied, “Because my child, you were so confident in your ability you didn’t want to listen. But in the darkness, you were lost and afraid, you needed me. This is my time to tell you where you have gone wrong, what you needed to complete this journey - my guidance, my strength, and my comfort.”
And when He finally led me out of the darkness, I was ready to face anything again. Knowing that I have rested, that I have been renewed, secured in the knowledge that this time, I do not walk alone. The night is past, and a new day has come again.
