If anything good came out of my enforced stay at my mom’s house in Sta. Cruz, it was the chance I had to renew old acquaintances and make new ones. It has given me a chance to see my friends again and look at what they have become over the years.
The first time I came here, I was a young woman. I made friends with the other young women here, attended weddings, went on excursions to the neighboring towns of Pagsanjan, Paete, and simply went gaga over the beautiful slippers and shoes in Liliw. We went swimming at Pagsanjan Lodge in December and made fun of the foreigners who shivered and had goose pimples all over their pale bodies because the water was extremely cold. We watched the procession in town during the holy week, attended the misa de gallo for nine days during the Christmas season and stuffed ourselves with bibingka and puto-bumbong after the mass. I am not a Roman Catholic, but a lot of my friends were, so it wasn’t the mass I came for, but the camaraderie and the fun we had together in walking to church, having breakfast on the sidewalk and shivering as the cold wind blew through the dark streets. Those were fun days.
Today, I have made new friends here, poor people with hearts of gold. You help them once, twice, and they fall all over themselves to do things for you. Some take advantage, but most are really good people.
But the thing that has really made a great impression in me is seeing my old friends again, watching them survive the many hardships typical to a lot of poor families in my country. I am amazed at the strength, resourcefulness and resiliency of the Filipino woman. And once again, I reiterate how much I admire the uniqueness of the Filipina.
Imagine bringing up a family on the meager amount a husband brings home. In this area where employment opportunity is almost nil, you take any job you can and you will be lucky to earn 200 to 300 pesos a day. Almost every time, no work means no pay. So, if you are lucky to work eight hours, seven days a week, you will earn an average of 9,000 a month. Not much considering the high price of consumer goods. How do they manage, these amazing friends of mine?
One of my friends has four children. They all go to school. Grade school and high school do not cost anything in terms of tuition if you go to a public school. So, that’s not a problem. But they have to take tricycle rides at a student rate of 6 pesos each, one way. With four children, they spend 48 pesos a day for fare. What about food? They eat rice and dried fish, or sardines for breakfast. That will last them until lunch, and then they will have to do with a light snack until they can go home around 5pm and eat something substantial. They are given 20 pesos each for that. Wow, so that’s another 80 pesos. That is already2,560 pesos for 20 school days. Father has to spend a few more pesos for fare and lunch when he goes to work. Add the cost of food for the family, utility bills for water, electricity and cooking fuel, emergency expenses when someone gets sick, or when a child has a school project, tithes and offering for church, and all the other expenses I have not thought about. Goodness, I really hate math. I can be a math wiz, but there’s no way I can make 9,000 pesos a month cover all those overhead expenses necessary for raising a family. Debit and credit will never tally. I just found out I hate accounting, too (sigh).
But, hey, look at my friend. She smiles all the time. She jokes around. She’s absolutely beautiful in the midst of all these hardships. I asked her if she never gets frustrated juggling her budget to make ends meet. And yes, I’m not a math wiz, but I’m not a moron either and I can do simple arithmetic. 9,000 a month??? Four children? I just have one college kid and a 78 year old mother, and I get 20,000 every 14 days. But I have to really be very careful with my budget or else I will overshoot it all the time. So what gives?????
I listened raptly to this amazing woman as she enumerated how she manages her household. First, she doesn’t use water from NAWASA. She has a water pump in her backyard. It’s this model that has a long pipe for a handle that you move up and down to get the water gushing up. Oh well, I don’t have much technical or mechanical vocabulary, but I’m hoping you get the idea. Aside from having an abundant supply of water, it’s free, so no water bill. And it keeps her arms strong and trim. Two birds in one shot. I’m impressed.
Second, she takes on any job to help her husband when the children are in school. Cooking for a neighbor, washing clothes, direct selling, you name it. There was even one time when she got paid to partner a cousin at a ballroom dancing competition. Whoa, supplementary income and a chance to socialize. Way to go, girl!
Third, she has taught her children to be careful with their electric consumption. Ironing all the clothes once a week, television for two hours after homework, wash hair at night and let dry naturally so no need to blow dry, always turn off the lights when no one is in the room, etc. She has a lot of cost-cutting tips.
Fourth, she has learned to be a creative cook. Since meat is expensive, vegetables and fish are usually the mainstay in their menu. Discovering how to cook them in an unusual and tasty way gives her a sense of accomplishment.
And then, she went on to say that she always tries to maintain a happy disposition. Life is really hard, and you only make it even worst by grousing. She has noticed that her children get affected by her moods, so as much as possible, she tries to maintain a cheerful façade in front of them. When she is in bed with her husband, that’s the time she talks about her day and listens to his. This, she says, makes their relationship, not exactly perfect, but more connected.
Last and most important of all, she and her husband have placed the Lord Jesus in the center of their marriage and family. With God being served in their household, they can overcome anything.
I consider my friend a really beautiful woman. Maybe you wouldn’t think so if you see her. If you are thinking beautiful as in Helen of Troy, the face that could launch a thousand ships, well, my friend’s face can’t even launch a paper boat. But as my mother likes to say, beauty is as beauty does. So, if you are a person with a deep perception of what is essential, then you would see the beauty I saw in her. The quiet, inner strength, the indisputable confidence that she is going about her daily business on the right track, the joy of fulfillment shining on her face… well, this is the kind of beauty that no amount of cosmetics can ever hope to achieve. She knows who she is and what she is. And she is focused on where she is going. My friend is the very epitome of womanhood. She lives up to God’s calling to be a helper to her man in the truest sense and I honor her with all respect and admiration.
Don’t you think she is a woman any husband will be proud of? Why indeed should a woman spend her days wearing the badge of defeat? There is no reason for her to feel and look defeated. A woman is only what she thinks she is. If she feels good about herself, she feels good about life. But if she thinks that there is nothing more that she can do to get over her circumstances, then she stays in the pits forever. It’s a reality that life today is hard. But one should look at herself honestly, evaluate what is lacking, think about what can be done and go for it. It’s a hard life we are facing, but giving up is not an option.
In the Philippines, a woman plays a major role in the household. The children look up to her for guidance, the husband for support. She is not only a nurturer but also a manager, an accountant, a nurse, a referee, a teacher, a cook, and every other role on demand. She is the pivotal character in the family unit and it is essential that she plays her role with utmost confidence. It is a hard, demanding job, being a mother and wife. It is a job that requires a good sense of balance, creativity, resourcefulness, and versatility. I’m sure the modern husband appreciates this lot. And yet, once upon a time, this was not so. A lot of people just took it for granted that when a woman marries, she stays at home and tends to the family and nothing more. She gets seen and not heard, decision-making is a male prerogative and she must vow to her husband’s superior intellect. In an eastern world such as mine where women have been stereotyped for centuries, I am awed at the way their spirits has withstood the battering and the incessant indoctrination that women are second-class citizens.
But life goes on, and changes are bound to happen, Circumstances and needs become different. Perspectives shift. Filipina wives have evolved from being just regular housewives to income-earning ones. Not everyone is employed by firms on a regular basis. A lot are self-employed so as not to neglect the care of their children. We hear of direct selling which can be done at one’s own schedule, networking, sari-sari store right in your own home, repacking, soap and candle-making and a lot of other income-generating projects that can be learned at centers courtesy of non-profit organizations. Along with training are offers of capital loan at very low interest with marketing assistance thrown in. Instead of despairing about the poverty, a lot of women in dire straits, economy-wise, have grasped this opportunity with enthusiasm. And they are succeeding!
Throughout the years, women, single and married both, have spread their wings and went on to accomplish great things. We have seen women rising and making their marks in their chosen fields. They have emerged like butterflies from chrysalides, and in the Philippines, the true “Pinay” has arrived. There are still instances in a male dominated field where she still gets insulted, bypassed, harassed. But seeing her fighting back and resisting getting dragged down by her circumstances is an inspiration. Seeing her succeed encourages other women to tap their own potentials. But an even greater achievement is to see her succeed in the workplace and bring the same kind of success in her own home as a wife and mother. She is playing a dual role, and has triumphed in both of them. The once timid Pinay has recognized and accepted her true role. This is the reason why I say that the new Filipina is unique in her recognition of her own strength and potentials. She doesn’t see it as a means to score against man or to declare herself superior. She has no need to compete in the battle of the sexes because she has come into her own, and having done so, she is fully comfortable and secure in being a woman and rejoice in the fact that she is different from a man. And because she is different from a man, she sees things differently, thinks differently and reacts differently. In other words, she complements man and this is exactly what makes her a great partner.
So, for the Pinoy who calls his wife his better half, truly, you have paid her a very great compliment. And for those other men who have accepted women as persons in their own rights who can achieve great things alongside them, you are indeed a rare breed. A new era has begun, where man and woman can forge a partnership based on each one’s Godly calling. No competition, no bids for superiority, but mutual respect and acceptance of each one’s capabilities. To see it happening in my country makes me feel good.
In spite of the mavericks who have given the Filipina a bad name, Pinay is still a unique, exceptional woman. She has indeed come a long way. And so, here I stand unwavering to say: “PROUD TO BE PINAY!”
