MY DAUGHTER & I

My daughter and I are the best of friends. We tell each other almost everything. And I think when I decided that I will treat her always as an equal, I made the right decision. Raising up teen-agers is a dangerous occupation:-D. Once you lose control, it’s the end for you. So, starting on equal footing is a good thing, in the sense that my teen-ager has to take responsibilities in maintaining a balance in our relationship. Granted, she’s only 16, and needs to learn a lot yet about life, but because I am a parent who is not a control-freak, she is not afraid to voice out her opinions, or to talk about her problems. This way, we have a chance to talk things out and more often than not, we arrive at a decision that is acceptable to both of us. Also, I have set certain parameters, and I made sure she understood them. She knows when something is out of bounds, but like any teen-ager, she would try to push me and won’t stop until I push back.

Trust is very important to me. She knows that and acts accordingly. The only time she ever attempted to defy me was when she was seven. She was in first grade, and the one cardinal rule that is to be kept at all cost, is that she doesn’t leave the school premises until someone from my family picks her up. But alas, like any kid just having a taste of freedom, she went off with her friends to a bookstore 3 blocks away from her school. And my sister, her biological mother, chanced upon her there. When my girl saw her, she started crying and didn’t stop until they got home. That was the last time she ever pulled anything like that.

When she started high school, I got her a mobile phone, and one of the new rules, was to call me up if there is something that will keep her in school past the time when she is supposed to be off, or if classes were shortened and she has to come home alone because the guy who drives her to and from school is not there yet.

I’m not saying that my way is the best way to treat a teen-ager. It works for me, but I don’t know if it will work with anyone else. And I’m not saying that my daughter is a perfect daughter. She isn’t. She could throw the mother of all tantrums and she would try to ride roughshod over me if I let her. But the most important thing in our relationship is trust and honesty. And this the foundation on which we have built not only a parent-child relationship, but friendship as well.