I just finished some tests at the hospital, I was beat, fed up and hungry. I look at my family who all went with me to give me their support. There's Ma, my sister Thess, JB and Baby Stephie. They all look as tired and hungry as I was. Well, except for the 8 month old Stephie who was still gurgling and turning and twisting in her mother's arm. We all filed into the car, a rented Mitsubishi Adventure, and instructed the driver to drive us to the mall so we can have dinner. We got stuck in the traffic for almost an hour and as I looked around at all the cars at full stop in the heart of Makati, I wondered about the people behind the tinted glasses reflecting the bright lights of the commercial center.
What are those people thinking about? Are they well? Are they tired and hungry? What kind of family waits for them at home? Do they know God? And if they do, do they trust Him? Do they value the right things? Are they taking their lives, their health for granted?
I remember before I got sick. I was so busy living my life, I concentrated on the non-essentials thinking that they are the most important things then. I forgot the things that would have fed my soul, the things that could have made me more able to face what I'm facing now.
But nobody regrets anything before the fact. Regrets always come in the end.
Ma'am, shall I drop you at the front entrance and pick you up there after your dinner?" Joel, the driver took me out of my reverie.
"Park the car somewhere and here's some money so you can have your dinner, too. We will text you when we are ready to leave." So we got off the car and looked for somewhere to eat. At the entrance to the supermarket, we met Mitch, my niece, just out from work and ready for dinner, too. She suggested a place and we all tiredly followed her. We placed our orders, and as we waited to be served, I looked amazed at all those people scrambling to be seated and served, too. Why are these people eating here, I thought to myself. Don't they have someone, maybe a wife, a mother waiting to serve them hot, home-cooked meals as soon as they get home? How sad could that be, if all these people are going home to an empty, dark house after a hard day's work.
"Mommy, your food is getting cold.", Jaybee called my attention to my food. I looked around the table and it seemed to me that everyone's food is getting cold, too. No appetite in spite of being hungry. Maybe my news that the sono-mammogram showed some suspicious mass in the other breast has made everyone too sad to eat heartily. I told them to eat up and sadly watched as my family started eating in a desultory manner, as if the expensive food tasted like sawdust. We ended up taking home all the uneaten food and making Mitch keep them in her fridge in case she wanted to eat later.
As for us, we went home to Pagsanjan after we dropped Mitch at her condo.It was almost midnight by the time we got there and everyone went straight to bed.
I stayed awake. Too tired, but sleep was impossible. My mind was teeming with so many things. In the quiet of night, I can feel God's presence. I prayed for myself, I prayed for my family and friends. And I prayed that all those seemingly lost people in the mall will somehow be found, as God found me again. I was lost, but he found me and brought me back. They should have the time and the desire to listen for God's voice as they have their quiet time in the mornings and early evenings, or see God's wonder in nature, or just see God's mighty hand restraining the evil that would otherwise overcome our frail world.
I have never appreciated God being in control of everything as I do now. There is nothing like knowing that when you are in the process of crossing a bridge over dark troubled waters, you are sure that it's strong and will hold your weight. Now I don't have to pretend I am strong and confident every minute of the day. It's so refreshing to be able to let go and let God. Surrendering to God is not a sign of weakness, as I see it. It's an opportunity to be sustained, restored. for he is our shelter and our refuge.
Don't stay too long in the fast lane. Don't wait for illness to stop you in your tracks before you find the time to smell the roses, or hear God's soft voice. You can mostly hear God in the stillness, so take a break and spend time with Him. Learn to see and hear Him in the world around you. Learn to take pleasure in God's awesome presence . It takes a real desire and discipline to have quiet times with God.And there's nothing more beautiful, more inspiring, more reassuring than having God in your life.
